Underneath the dreadlocks and "Africa for the Africans" mentality is an emo kid threatening to slit her wrists to be freed from the tyrannical dominance of my outer personality.

I've known this forever, but I lack people to discuss it with. Why? Well my friends (especially my BEST friend) all have their own issues, and it's not like this is a new thing anyway. My husband wouldn't understand, and if he did, our marriage probably wouldn't survive it.

I've said before that I've suppressed a lot about myself, and only in the last few years have I slowly unlocked some of those chains. Daily, something happens to remind me how twisted and wicked I really am.

Ideally? There'd be a closet full of black clothing, a chain from my nose ring to my earring, and my hair would be at least 3 different colors. But, I can't scare the people, especially the people the handle my children's education and such. Not to mention that I'd probably be kicked out of my religion is ANY of this ever went public.